My mother-in-law is the queen of backhanded insults. She has perfected the art of stealthily inserting jabs into everyday conversation. So much so that I have a hard time deciding if I’m actually hearing or experiencing these cheap shots or if I’m slowly going insane and imagining it all. Instead of wracking my brain to decipher if I’m slowly loosing my marbles, I’ll list them below and let you decide for yourself.
1. “Did you lose weight? You look a lot skinner than the last time I saw you.”
2. “Your hair looks really nice, it’s much more controlled than it normally is. What product are you using now?”
3. She buys me clothes for my birthday and Christmas. They are always a size large even though I wear a small or medium. She then casually brings up in conversation that “wearing loose fitting clothing makes people look skinner.”
4. “It’s too bad that you have to work so much. I wish you could come to XYZ family gathering. My daughter can always find the time to attend.”
5. “Are you sure this paint color isn’t too dark for your bathroom?”
6. “I can’t believe we’re helping you paint, I can’t imagine our parents helping us do this!”
7. “Are you sure you want a green sapphire and not a diamond? I told my son that was so UNUSUAL for an engagement stone.”
8. “Do you want to borrow my lipstick before you head out? Don’t you want to look more dressed up than usual?”
9. “I did the dishes and the laundry while you were at work. I know it must be so hard to keep up with the house when you work so much.”
10. “The colors you chose for your wedding are so bold, I’m just so used to white and pink that it’s a little hard to imagine how this will come together.”
I’m so ready for insults now that I almost missed a compliment this weekend. She was asking me about my job and then stopped, looked at me and said “You really have accomplished so much in your short life time.” I stared at her, waiting for the “but” or the other shoe to drop. I must have had my mouth hanging open because she looked at me and said “No, really, you should be proud.” I’m suddenly hopeful, but I’m not holding my breath that this good behavior will continue. She might have just been off her meds.
That Bitch
That Bitch who Married my Son 